I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
