I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
