Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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