..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
