my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
