I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
