What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
