Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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