i jhust puked up my retainher.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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