Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
