The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
