I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
