why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
