i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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