I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
tell me about the fingering
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
