This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
