you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
