So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
