you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
