i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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