WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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