Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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