Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
