if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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