so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
