I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
