i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
