hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
