im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
