he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
