Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
