he thought i was a dude.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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