I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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