u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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