Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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