WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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