I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
