Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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