So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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