So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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