I wish you could order shots online.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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