I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
