we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
