i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
