Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
