Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
