but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
