Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
how does that bad decision feel?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
