dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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