i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
