I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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