just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
