I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize