No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
