Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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