Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
