Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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