She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
