Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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