Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
